I am 32 years old, and have just been diagnosed with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.  I think that I have had this disorder since I was a teenager, but with parents who are more interested in their “standing” in the community, and a father who is a religious zealot, I was told that I was evil, and that only God could help me.  Well, going to church did not help with the feelings of worthlessness and the self-loathing that I would feel when I am depressed.  I reacted with compulsive spending sprees, promiscuity, thinking that other people were talking about me, paranoia, and inability to hold a job, and an inability to stay in any kind of relationship for any amount of time. I have erratic behavior, and my tendency is to become aggressive and violent when I’m in a manic stage.

I finally decided to seek help when my husband, who has been the only one there for me (you’ve probably already guessed that my family isn’t supportive), said that he was going to leave me and take our infant son, because he didn’t want out child to be hurt by me.  With the help of meds (mainly lithium), I am starting to be able to live some semblance of a “normal” life.  Stress seems to trigger these episodes, so I have started yoga, and stretching exercises.  I have lost 40 pounds, and can actually talk to people without being paranoid and thinking that they are thinking negative things about me.

The hardest part has been coming to the realization that my family will always be relatively unsupportive of me, and critical of me.  They don’t understand, or don’t want to believe, that I have a medical illness, and that I have no control over this, without meds and counseling. If this story will help just one person deal with the pain and alienation that this disorder causes, I will be very happy.

                                     - Kathy