Radical Acceptance is a difficult concept to grasp, believe and    practice because it ultimately requires we not judge ourselves. With radical acceptance we learn to love ourselves just as we are. This does not mean that we have to give up trying to grow or continue to    believe that we are flawed but rather accept what is happening to us and understand this is not the same as approval of that reality. (Linehan, p.96)

Because, for many of us, our fundamental belief that we are flawed is so strong this acceptance may only last for a brief time.  We have to choose to make the choice to radically accept ourselves many times--sometimes many times a day, hour or even minute. (Linehan p.103).

The word radical means that the acceptance comes from deep within and effects our fundamental beliefs in ourselves. We have to make the conscious choice to accept ourselves without judging ourselves. We have to choose to turn our minds towards acceptance. (Linehan, p. 103)

The culture we live in pressures us with the belief that we must compete to be ahead of everyone—to be the best. We are pressured to stand out as intelligent, attractive, capable, powerful, wealthy and healthy. It feels as if there is someone  keeping score to see who is the best. (Brach,11). If we do not rank at the top we feel rejected and therefore as deficient and unworthy.

Many of us live with the fundamental belief that we are deficient. There is a sense of hopelessness that we will never be truly worthy; we will never be truly loved and we will never truly love ourselves. This is faulty    thinking and needs to be repeatedly challenged in our own minds.

There is an underlying belief that something is wrong with us. We are boring, stupid, selfish, insecure and/or unattractive. This belief of worthlessness leads to feelings of shame, deficiency, hopelessness and depression.

It hurts deeply that we do not experience a sense of belonging. We do not feel comfortable with  others—and worse we do not feel comfortable with ourselves.  We are not able to feel at ease or fully accept ourselves.  We often feel that the things that we see as wrong with ourselves and the bad things that have happened to us are our own fault because of the belief that we are deficient.

Mother Teresa spent a lifetime  working with the poor and sick.  Her insight was: “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of not belonging.” (Brach, 11)

We must be willing to accept ourselves without judgment. If we are willing to accept that we are ok in the present moment, we will not be angry or disappointed with this moment. In this way we realize that we can understand that we have a role in how we feel about ourselves and what is happening to us despite old faulty messages we received.

Accepting each moment in this way creates a sense of calmness and peace. Most importantly it can eliminate the pain that we feel in that place of unworthiness and hopelessness that many of us have called hell—the hell of anger—the hell of depression.