By: Laura Axton

Oh my god, I think mum is ill again. She seems really happy and full of energy. She seemed to have laughed a little too long at that joke. Oh my god...mum is singing! This means there is going to be a massive drop. This means more medication, more watching and waiting for mum to get better!

Hang on a minute; I seem to have forgotten that mum is human too. She has the right to feel happy just as I do. Wanting to laugh uncontrollably about something that is not so funny happens to all us 'normal' people so why do I find it so hard to deal with mum’s laughter?

I am getting paranoid. I’m waiting for the bad time to come again. I am watching her every mood, her every feeling and her every action. I am waiting for the depressed stage to kick in. This is just five minutes in my mind. My mum suffers from bipolar.

It is a common mistake for the relative to make. When you are always waiting for your loved one to 'crash' it can drive YOU insane. It can make you paranoid. Your mum stops being your mum and instead is an episode waiting to happen. Forgetting to see the person instead of the illness is something caregivers and sufferers fight against everyday in our society. Yet, how can we blame society, when it’s also happening in our own homes?

I wanted to highlight how difficult it can be to keep an open mind when you are trying to protect one of the closest people to you. All you want to do is protect them and keep them safe....safe and away from that miserable place that consumes them when they are not well.

After a while I got tired, no actually, I got exhausted of being on edge. After all, it would be no good with both of us ill, so I changed. I started to laugh and sing with mum, I started to sit with her in silence when she was down and then it hit me as hard as a baseball bat to the face. THIS IS MY MUM AND I AM HER DAUGHTER!

Slowly the illness and the caregiver status melted away.